Ask the Mediator | Mediation Expert | Business Mediation | Family Mediation | Slusky Mediation

What stops a party in mediation from dominating sessions with emotional outbursts?

When beginning a new mediation session, a skilled mediator “sets the table” and establishes ground rules to be followed throughout the mediation process. The key to effective mediation, when emotions are highly charged, is an agreement between both parties before the session even begins. While you would think that most people would be courteous listeners, a good mediator does not leave anything to chance. He or she will establish expectations, understanding that both parties will then be more likely to participate by those rules.

Another key to addressing emotional outbursts is giving both parties an opportunity to offer “position statements”. Allocation of equal time for each party to explain their perspective on the actions or events leading up to and creating the dispute, without interrupting the other party, will provide time for each party to vent frustrations, release stress and express their concerns. The goal is to let all the parties explain their concerns in a controlled environment and within the ground rules.

If the emotions remain high after the position statements have concluded, the mediator can refers back to the ground rules both parties initially agreed upon and steer the process to a productive conclusion.

How can mediation help aging parents maintain their dignity and not feel that adult children are making all the decisions?

In an ideal world, parents and adult children would discuss future living situations (assisted living facilities vs. in-home care), their will and the distribution of financial assets long before any decisions need to be made. It is a difficult, but necessary, discussion.

Using a mediator for these discussions is an effective way for aging parents to be clear about their future care and the division of property. In many cases, children simply need to understand their parents’ wishes involving financial gifts and personal property. Mediation provides a controlled environment where all parties can express their concerns and sibling rivalries can be resolved. With the guidance of a skilled mediator, aging parents can have a voice in their care, maintain their dignity and possibly even improve family ties down the road.

Until now, you might have thought your business partnership was solid. A challenging economy has a way of bringing out differences.
How can mediation end the conflict?

Business partnerships can feel like friendship, until they turn out to be not so friendly. It is human nature for business visions to change or for partners to question if the workload really is fair. When partners start to feel like enemies, those unresolved issues can quickly destroy the business and a long-term partnership.

An impartial and skilled mediator can help partners rebuild their relationship and get back to business. The mediator typically meets with each partner separately to outline their goals, expectations and interests. The emphasis is on good communication, not winning or losing. And while disputing partners are weighed down in their histories together, a mediator can often see a solution. Even if the end result is a mutual agreement to dissolve the partnership, feuding partners can walk away with a relationship intact.

When top level managers go public with their disagreements, it can hurt morale and the bottom line. How do you know when you need an outside mediator?

An executive team that can thoughtfully address complex, tough issues is an asset in today’s business environment. When a mediator works with high level executives, the process extends beyond the issue at hand. How can this team set up a process to consistently resolve conflict? A trained mediator can identify the communication challenges at the heart of the disagreement. In that sense, a serious conflict can offer a real opportunity to strengthen the company for the future.

Employee conflict within the management team can damage company productivity. What do you suggest when rifts start to develop?

The Human Resources department is usually the first responder when workplace conflict erupts. But sometimes, the dispute festers and the work environment suffers. Especially with higher level managers and executives, an independent mediator may be valuable in getting to the heart of an issue which threatens to undermine company productivity.

The mediator is an unbiased neutral party with no preconceived ideas. Because the mediator is an outsider, he is more likely to be able to gather detailed information that helps define common ground.
Even before a mediator helps the parties involved explore solutions, the mediation process itself tends to reduce hostility and repair relationships. It really helps when everyone feels that their point of view is accepted and understood.

From an employer point of view, a mediated agreement is a big win. It offers a solution that is designed by the parties in conflict, and that means accountability. If you take a look at the types of workplace conflict Slusky Mediation has helped resolve in the last year, you’ll see mediation is an ideal resource in the workplace.

Workplace stress
Mergers
Pay disputes
Working conditions
Performance issues
Termination disputes
Discrimination
Sexual harassment

When businesses are struggling to keep up with loan payments and obligations, can mediation help in avoiding loan defaults and possibly bankruptcy?

This is a complicated question, so let’s break it down. First, it always helps if business owners contact their lender before their first missed payment to understand their options. You want to have an upfront, honest relationship with your lender, so don’t wait until you’re behind on the loan payment.

With loans on troubled properties, there’s no easy answer, but a mediator may be able to help the business and bank agree on a new relationship. Available options may include everything from a change in loan payment terms to a sale of a particular property with specific conditions. Some lenders are even willing to negotiate payment reductions over a longer period of time.

A couple of positive points to keep in mind about the value of mediation. Often, multiple partners with differing points of view can be a real challenge for a lender. A mediator can help the partners arrive at a consensus which is critical for any long term solution. The other plus is the strength of the agreement itself. Mediation has a much higher success rate than arbitrated or court-ordered settlements. With parties in conflict mediating their way to a solution, more than 80% of mediated agreements stand the test of time.

How can I make sure my business contracts
protect me from lengthy and costly litigation?

You can avoid contract disputes entirely by being proactive. Address issues as they develop and get outside help when you sense you’re not making progress. I also stress the importance of making sure all of your buy-sell agreements have a mediation clause. A mediation clause states that if a conflict arises all the parties involved agree to mediate to resolve your dispute.

How can my family avoid an argument
when my parent(s) pass away?

This is so important and needs to be addressed early. The key to avoiding a family argument when parents pass away is an open and honest discussion with your parents and all siblings before that times comes. There is nothing wrong with talking with your parents to make sure they have their affairs in order and that each sibling is aware of what the parents intend to leave to each child.

If this option isn’t possible, and you don’t address these issues before they pass away, attempt to keep the lines of communication open and realize that everyone deals with grief in different ways. For example, before becoming upset because Jane wants the grandfather clock and so do you, ask questions, understand why she wants it. Find out their interests because hearing the answer may dissolve the frustration on your end.

If no one wants to talk, then recommend involving a mediator to resolve the conflicts and more importantly -- to maintain the family ties.

What should contractors be aware of when building
work relationships with their subcontractors and business partners?

I can’t stress it enough -- communication is key. Everyone has different ways of completing tasks. Make sure everyone is aware of the timeline and find out what, if any problems, they see or may anticipate upfront. Involve all the subcontractors as well as the general contractor and owner in all communications so everyone is on the same page. It would be a wise decision to use standard AIA contracts which mandate mediation before arbitration or litigation or include a mediation clause in all other construction clauses ensuring a timely resolution if there is a dispute.